I haven’t been doing much knitting lately. Which kinda makes me sad because I know that it calms me and gives me a sense of peace that very few other things can do (coloring and taking pictures comes close), yet when the mind is overactive and over engaged I find it very difficult to pick up knitting needles and knit – even a simple pattern. I suspect it has to do with the fear I have when it comes to letting my mind rest during times like this. When my mind rests then feelings often emerge and quite honestly I find those feelings difficult to address. Yet I also acknowledge that when I don’t address the feelings then my body tends to react and my fibro goes into a flare however sometimes I’d take the physical discomfort over the emotional one. That’s sort of where I’ve been lost in a world of busyness yet drained emotionally, physically and spiritually.
At the beginning of July my favorite local yarn store offered a promotion where you would get a coupon for completion of UFO (in a knitters world a UFO is a UnFinished Object or project) and on a personal level I was being challenged by my counselor to take some time each day to create and discover that place of peace within and in doing so being able to construct a safe place for me to be with those feelings that I would prefer to think weren’t there. I knew that July was the month to pick up some knitting and see where I might be led.
It’s been a tough journey emotionally as I’ve reconnected with myself but for the past three weeks or so I’ve been knitting every day – some days I realize I’m doing it to do it but other days I can hardly wait for a time to sit and be with my knitting and the quietness that it brings. I remember the joy that comes when the yarn glides through my fingers and as a project begins to take shape right before my eyes, without much brain power (that’s because I’m working on projects that don’t take much more than the knowledge between a knit and purl row). I’m given that peace and a sense of being created by a loving God as I create with each stitch. In a lot of ways knitting binds me together.
Even though my completion of UFO’s has been limited to two small projects, I’m pleased that I took the challenge because I know that in time a bigger project will be completed both in tangible and intangeable ways. I’ve completed a stuffed owl which now sits on our bed — I love owls and am in love with this cute addition to our room. I also completed a necklace of sorts which I’m not pleased with but it’s done and no longer on my needles or taking up space amidst my yarn and projects! Although it’s not finished or even nearly finished I’ve made headway on my first ever sweater – somedays I wonder if I will ever be finished. I’ve made it my goal to finish this sweater as I’m sure there will be a huge sense of accomplishment as I will be able to have crossed something off of my knitting bucket list! As for my inner journey into the peace and connectedness with both myself and my creator – well that journey continues on.
It’s so important to know what grounds you and connects you (even if that means some hard work) but I encourage you along with myself to continue to find ways to care for yourself. Great things are bound to come!