It’s hard for me to believe that today is the last day of being 40. Turning 41 seems like a bigger deal than turning 40. I guess because I feel as if I have been through a year of physical challenges and the emotional ones that go along with it and at some level hope this isn’t what all years will look like. But I’m taking this day to begin a New Years resolution of sorts – making changes in the way that I handle life around me. Some of those changes may be a bit scary and some of them come with a sense of relief. If I want to live another 40 years I know that it’s time to put into practice some of the very things that I tell those I pastor on a regular basis. It’s time to do some things that refresh me and allow my energy and God’s love and grace to flow throw me.
During the past year my life seemingly fell apart, childhood trauma hit me again and this time as a flying brick coming out of no where. I wasn’t expecting it to rehaunt my life but it did and it forced me into a major depressive episode which led to new meds and a new therapist. It also was the leading cause in a medical leave of absence from the church I serve. One of the toughest things I had to do was to stop being a pastor to others and allow some to care for me. It wasn’t long after my return to work that I had a hysterectomy and appendectomy – another tough and emotional event. As my 40th year was drawing to a close I returned to Canada to officiate at my grandfather’s funeral. This proved to be a time filled with great blessing and a time of sadness as I learnt new things about my family of origin and yet was blessed with a reunion of sorts with my Aunt, Uncle,and cousins and got to meet an Aunt I’d never met. I hope that these new and reformed relationships will grow as time goes by. I celebrated my 16th year of ordination and thus faithful service to the Moravian Church – service to a God I love and a church I deeply appreciate and care for.
So today I spent time not only looking back over the past year but more looking into the year that lies ahead. This morning I spent some time with my counselor and I can’t begin to emphasize how much of a life saver she was as I travelled through this past year (and I can’t help but say if you are considering getting a counselor – do it, it just might save your life too but at the very least it will enrich it). This afternoon I’ll spend some time learning about continued ways to serve the church and this evening will be topped off with some time of doing what I love to do most knitting!
As I enter a new year of life I pray that I may more fully become the person that God created and continues to create and call me to be. I know that takes a commitment on my part to tend to myself – my whole self- body, spirit and mind. I make this commitment and look forward to watching the ways that will help me to grow. I look forward to creating more (hopefully finishing my first knitted sweater), coloring more, taking time to take more pictures and letting the spirit recreate and create a new in me. I certainly look forward to enhancing my ability to minister and going on my first cruise in February with other revgals. Lastly, I look forward to a more uplifting year filled with the peace and hope that comes when claimed as a child of God!